Pet Loss Is Just As Significant As Human Loss + Ways to Remember Your Furry Loved Ones

There is a common belief that losing a pet is less significant than losing a person. While this may be true for some individuals, it is not a universal experience. For many, the loss of a pet can be deeply painful and comparable to other significant losses. I have explored the topic of pet loss extensively throughout my education, as it is an area that is personally meaningful to me.

For many individuals, pets are cherished members of the family. They are present throughout daily routines and emotional highs and lows–offering comfort, companionship, and unconditional support. Whether greeting us at the door, sitting beside us during difficult moments, or simply being a consistent presence, pets play a meaningful role in our lives. 

From a psychological perspective, grief is rooted in attachment. According to Bowlby’s attachment theory, the intensity of grief is not determined by whether the loss is human or animal, but by the strength of the bond. When a deep emotional attachment exists, the grieving process can be profound and long-lasting. This means that when the bond with a pet is strong, the grief experienced can be comparable to that of losing a person. Pets often fulfill attachment needs such as comfort, safety, and proximity, similar to humans. They can also help mitigate loneliness, teach responsibility and caregiving, support emotional expression and regulation (especially in children), enhance a sense of self and purpose, and may even contribute to reduced risk of depression and heart disease (due to lower blood pressure).

Pet loss is often considered a form of disenfranchised grief–a type of grief that is not always recognised or validated by society. Because of this, individuals may feel discouraged from seeking support or expressing the depth of their emotions.

For many people, particularly in childhood, the loss of a pet may be their first experience of grief. This can influence how they process loss later in life. Common responses to pet loss can include numbness, disbelief, sadness, guilt or blame, depression, sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, and social isolation. Some individuals may also experience patterns similar to Kübler Ross’ stages of grief.

Additional responses can arise depending on the nature of the loss. If you are made aware that your pet is unwell and anticipate their passing, you may experience anticipatory grief–grieving before the loss occurs. In contrast, if the loss is sudden or unexpected, feelings of shock and disbelief may be prominent.

Although pet loss can feel isolating, talking about your experience can support emotional processing. Suppressing grief may lead to more intense emotional distress over time and can impact how you continue to process loss. Allowing yourself to feel and express your emotions can support healthier coping, both in the present and in future experiences of grief.

Before Loss: Creating Meaningful Memories

If your pet is still with you, you may wish to create meaningful keepsakes. Some ideas include:

• Taking photos and videos

• Taking a small clipping of fur

• Doing a video body scan to remember their features

• Taking a photo of their paw in your hand

• Creating a paw print using a clay kit

• Writing a goodbye letter

• Spending intentional, quality time together

If you have already lost your pet and were unable to do these things, it is understandable to feel a sense of regret. These ideas can also be something to consider for future pets, when and if you feel ready. 

Ways to Remember Your Pet

Here are some meaningful ways to honour your pet while allowing space for grief:

1. Create a scrapbook or photo book: Creating a scrapbook can be a meaningful and creative way to reflect on your pet’s life and the memories you shared. If scrapbooking feels overwhelming in terms of time and effort, you might consider using online services to create a photobook–these can hold just as much meaning. Revisiting these images can help you reconnect with positive memories.

2. Get a tattoo: Getting a tattoo can be a lasting and personal way to remember your pet. It is important to take time to consider the design carefully, as this is a permanent decision unless removed. For some, tattoos provide comfort and a continued sense of connection.

3. Create or commission artwork: You may choose to draw or paint your pet, or commission an artist to create a piece for you. Displaying this artwork in your home can serve as a meaningful tribute and may also invite opportunities to share stories about your pet.

4. Create a holiday ornament: This can be a meaningful and creative way to include your pet in seasonal traditions. Seeing their ornament each year can be a comforting reminder. Including a small amount of their fur inside can make it even more meaningful. 

5. Donate or volunteer: There are many ways to give back in honour of your pet. You might volunteer at an animal shelter, help with pet sitting, or assist neighbours with dog walking. You could also donate money to an organization that feels meaningful to you, or donate items such as unopened food, treats, medication, or supplies. 

6. Keeping a meaningful item: Holding onto a memento–such as a favourite toy, collar, or blanket–can provide comfort. Even though your pet may no longer be physically present, these items can help maintain a sense of connection.  

7. Keep their ashes: For some individuals, having their pet’s ashes returned can be comforting. Many report feeling a sense of peace knowing their pet is back home with them, which can help maintain a feeling of closeness.

8. Display photos: Keeping photos of your pet around your home can support ongoing remembrance and allow their presence to remain part of your daily life. 

9. Write a letter: Writing a letter to your pet can be a reflective way to process your thoughts, memories, and emotions. It can also help you reconnect with meaningful moments you shared. 

10. Allow yourself to feel and process: Validating your emotions and allowing yourself to feel what arises is an important part of healing. This can help prevent emotional suppression and the buildup of unresolved grief. Pet loss is a valid loss and deserves space to be processed.

Some of these activities may bring up strong emotions. If you feel you would benefit from additional support, these can also be explored within a therapy session, allowing you to process emotions as you create something meaningful for your pet.

Caring for Yourself Through Grief

After a loss, self-care is especially important. Some things to consider include: 

• Journaling

• Staying hydrated

• Maintaining a routine

• Getting fresh air and movement

• Resting when needed

• Listening to music

• Allowing yourself to feel your emotions

Reading about grief can sometimes bring up unexpected feelings. If you need to pause and take a moment before continuing your day, that is completely okay. 

If you are experiencing pet loss or anticipatory grief, you are welcome to reach out for support at contact@renewedhorizonscounselling.co.uk or through the contact form on my website.